Happy Father’s Day and Shocking Information
Daddies – You ARE so important in your little girls’ lives. Never forget that. Be a Daddy. We need you and we love you! You are also important in your son’s lives. You teach your little boys how to be Men.
My then husband, a Honolulu Police Officer, and I were asked to sit on a panel for a special Father’s Day luncheon presentation. The other panelist? A reformed Pimp. The panel topic was “Be a Grown-Up Not a Best Friend, and Save Your Child’s Future.”
My husband is still part of Honolulu Police Department, and at the time was on the Community Policing Team. In that capacity, he talked about keeping your kids safe from abusers and predators. I spoke on the importance of putting Self Respect ahead of Self- Esteem; emphasizing a child’s need to learn life’s lessons in a safe, loving environment.
Our talks were good. The man who spoke after us had this group of Daddies in his thrall. His message? “I can turn your daughters into hookers in three weeks.”
Our talks were merely good. The man who spoke after us had this group of Daddies in his thrall. His message? “I can turn your daughters into hookers in three weeks.”
That’s a pretty bold statement. And his stories rang very true. He’d been a pimp for two decades and knew how to spot “lost girls” and separate them from their families through flattery, drugs, controlling behavior, sexual favors, and familiarity. It didn’t matter if they came from million dollar homes or shacks on the “wrong side of town.” He KNEW which ones would be easy to turn. And turn them he did. By the dozens.
How is this possible? This was before predators on Facebook, before emails and chatrooms. It’s a story that probably goes back centuries. I thought about this when I came across this expose from Amsterdam written in 2010 on young hookers.
The ex-pimp spoke calmly and with a great deal of regret about how he would spot the pouters or the unhappy little girls whose affection was easily bought. Often they’d been spoiled and always got their way. They were upset that day. Or they were easily turned with pretty trinkets – thinking “getting stuff” equaled Love. Perhaps their parents had realized they hadn’t been strict enough when the child was younger and had started too late setting boundaries. Loving discipline should start at age two. But a spoiled child who suddenly is told “No” for the first time at age 12 might rebel. He said that type was always a good target for him. He would tell her “Yes, Yes!” And he’d shower her with gifts, compliments, affection and attention. All the while turning her against her family for trying to discipline her too late. (Note, some young boys are turned the same way… this man happened to target girls.)
When he was pimping, he noticed which little girls craved attention and affection. Little girls who had been pushed away by their Daddies. He told these Daddies they needed to look into their souls and ask if they had pushed their daughters away when they began to “blossom.” He said some fathers have a hard time dealing with mixed emotions when their daughters become the spitting image of the woman they fell in love with. That some fathers didn’t know how to show affection to their little girls-becoming-women because of those mixed emotions, so they would push their daughters away, thinking that was the best for everyone.
Little girls who have Daddies that believe in their abilities and encourage them to be strong and stand on their own two feet are inoculated from guys like this pimp. If they have learned from an early age to try new things, and have learned to think for themselves, they are stronger when someone tries to lure them away. Fathers who show appropriate affection and admiration mixed with loving discipline make their kids of both genders stronger. Parents who set reasonable boundaries, sometimes explaining the reason, will help their children set appropriate boundaries. Sometimes the reason can be simply, “I love you too much to let you hurt yourself in this way.”
He said to be appropriate in your compliments and affection, but don’t withdraw. Even when she goes through her “I hate you” stage. Calmly say, “That’s OK sweetie. I love you no matter how you feel about me.” Let your kids know you are there for them.
Don’t worry about being popular with them. Be the strong anchor. Be the grownup. Tell them you would run in front of a speeding bus to save them – and mean it. Tell them no matter what they do wrong, you still love them and your discipline is about setting them on the right path. Wrap a cloak of love around them while they go through their difficult years.
Inoculating your kids against predators is your job. You do that with steadfast love in the face of their raging hormones and insecurities. You do that by loving them when they are unlovable. You do that by believing in them more than they believe in themselves. They need a strong advocate for comparison when some creep tries to separate them from you. Being a conscious parent with the goal of creating strong, self-reliant, intelligent children will go a long way to protecting them when you aren’t around.
Creeps are everywhere. Be your child’s hero. Be present in their heads when you can’t be present in person. We love you, Daddies. And we miss you when you are gone.
Thanks for all you do for your children!
© 2012 Beth Terry, CSP • All Rights Reserved
Photos courtesy of Dreamstime