Dealing with People who are a PAIN
Most bad behavior is caused by pain. Realizing that makes it easier to deal with ‘difficult’ people.
It IS tempting to take it personally when we are verbally attacked or slighted – thinking that somehow those angry words or nasty behaviors were designed specifically for us. We make the subconscious assumption that the offending person woke up in the morning with a clear desire to annoy us and only us, even if they have never seen us before. Get over yourself, you aren’t that important to your aggressor. You are a convenient target – in the wrong place at the right time.
Pain can take many forms. People who look perfectly normal to you may be on their tenth day of a low level migraine headache. They may have back pains or arthritis. Or the pain may be psychological: a lost love, loss of job, fear of the present or the future.
I remember a few years ago, I spent two weeks in excruciating back pain. I would visit the doctor and have it taken care of, and the next day it would return. No amount of aspirin or pain relievers would help. I was averaging 2 hours of sleep per night. The loss of sleep coupled with my back pain made it nearly impossible to be “nice” to complete strangers. During that time, I tried to be pleasant and made a concerted effort to avoid situations where I might cause permanent damage to my relationships – both with friends and acquaintances. I told my mother at one juncture in this saga that “pain is the first step towards insanity.” And I did feel like I was going insane.
Now I am not excusing bad behavior, and certainly not excusing violent behavior… but here is a way to get over the upset you feel when you’ve had a run-in with someone who was less than cordial to you: Just pretend that they have a headache.
Or pretend that they are in emotional distress. Caution – don’t tell them your theory … you might wind up having a conversation way beyond your tolerance level. Just quietly forgive them for their pain and don’t take their bad behavior personally. That keeps the situation from escalating and keeps your blood pressure lower.
Work on yourself and the world around you will start to look healthier!
Take care of yourself!
Beth
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© 2008 Beth Terry Seminars, Inc.
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This is great. When I want to smack someone over the head, I’ll remember this. You know, we really don’t know what’s going on with other people! Thanks for this.
Linda