Shame on you, Billy Ray Cyrus!

In the April 7 issue of People Magazine, Billy Ray Cyrus, the father of Miley Cyrus is quoted as saying, “I’ve always tried to be her best friend.” Now there, gentle reader, is the answer to the question, “What the hell is a 15 year old girl doing making her own life decisions?”

Kids, especially teenagers, need PARENTS, NOT best friends. John Rosemond says it best, “Parenting is not a popularity contest.” In order to raise decent, hardworking, intelligent, self-respecting members of our society, parents need to learn how to say “No!” once in awhile. Parents need to set boundaries and teach their children to respect themselves and their futures.

Miley Cyrus is a talented, relatively sweet young woman with tremendous talent. She is also less than 5,800 days old (READ: Underage!) Her impulse control and rational thinking microchips have not yet been laid down completely in her forming brain. She is not old enough to determine the fate or direction of her – what could be a flash in the pan – career… (can you say, “Menudo?”) This is where parents need to step in.

Yet, her dad allowed her to disrespect him on stage in front of millions of fans he’s had longer than she’s been on the planet. She rubbed his face in his languishing career and made it known she was the breadwinner. Shame on Billy Ray for not teaching her better manners. Shame on her for not respecting the man who has stood beside her (no matter how lame he has been on the parenting front.)

Several years ago in Hawaii, I shared the stage with a former Pimp. He had found religion and was on a mission to undo the damage he’d done in recruiting young girls to ply his prostitution trade. We were the school’s Father’s Day Luncheon speakers.

He stopped the room cold. This crowd of a hundred fathers could barely finish their meals with his tales of how easy it is to convince an adolescent girl to follow him. I still have my notes from his talk:

“I can spot my targets a mile away, and so can every other predator on the street. Girls with self-esteem but no self-respect. Girls who’ve been given everything their little hearts desire… except boundaries and the respect of their fathers. If you don’t discipline your daughters with love, and teach them to respect themselves, how can they love themselves? That’s where I come in. I give them rules, I give them respect, I show them affection. I tell them what I expect from them, and I sweeten it with gifts. And.. YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE MINE.”

“Fathers, your daughters need you. They need you to be parents first. They need you to love them enough to set rules. To know where they are going, with whom, and why. They need to respect you and know you have their back. They need you to be the adult. They need you to make the decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives until they are old enough to understand the world. Teens aren’t old enough yet to do that for themselves. And if you don’t… remember, there’s always a man out there who will. And it isn’t pretty.”

He was done. No one clapped. They sat there stunned. I saw a few tears, and a lot of resolution in one hundred clenched jaws. Fathers often joke about cleaning their guns when boys pick up their daughters for first dates. Yet many fathers don’t think about the damage they do by not being present as a parent in their kids lives.

Over the past year we’ve witnessed the train wreck trifecta: Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton. Please, let’s not add Miley to that list. I like her. She’s got spunk and seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

The recent flap about photos is a warning shot across the bow that it’s time the parents step up to the plate and BE Parents. Let’s see some adult logic and adult parenting skills. Girls need their daddies. They don’t need billions of dollars, or publicity stunts like the Vanity Fair photo shoot. They need to grow up before they peak out. They need guidance, sanity, and humility injected into their fan-obsessed lives.

I’d love to see former child stars form a “Mod Squad” and do some intervention /reality training for the parents so we can keep all these talented young girls from winding up permanently in a rehab center.

And Billy Ray Cyrus? You need a slap upside the head, cowboy! And dude, do something with your hair!

Beth

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