The Gift of Adversity

I’m in Hawaii right now working with several clients on Managing Change. The thought that adversity could be good for you often throws them, especially with this mortgage meltdown and the scary economy.

Adversity is a powerful teacher for those who pay attention. Each tragic, traumatic or terrible circumstance of your life can be turned around in some way for some good during your brief stay on this planet. You can learn from….

# The divorce that freed you from an untenable situation and allowed you to love someone more appropriate for you.
# The time you were fired or laid off. You had to tell the truth to yourself that you really did hate that job and weren’t suited for it.
# When the stock market crashed and you lost all your money. You were forced to be more conscious and pay better attention to your finances.
# That little boy who teased you in the third grade. You learned that it hurts to be teased.
# The clique that left you out. You learned what it felt like to be made unwelcome… and learned that maybe you aren’t the hottest thing since Moses landed on the planet.
# The people who seriously traumatized or abused you. You were motivated to take action to stop those kinds of people. And, did you use that lesson to teach your children to be kind and to watch out for those types of people?

Each interaction was a lesson. Did you get it?

Even something as simple as a car speeding up behind you on the freeway can be a lesson.

I was living in the heights above Waikiki.

A neighbor child had been hurt very badly and we needed to get her to the hospital immediately. Because it was a two- mile long and winding road down a steep hill, we decided we could get her there faster than an ambulance could. I drove as quickly (and safely) down the hill as I could.

Suddenly I came upon another car whose driver stubbornly slowed down and took the center of the road as she saw me coming. There was nowhere for me to go. She could have pulled over, but she was going to teach me to drive slowly. For each moment she stubbornly drove 10 miles an hour, this child’s life was in greater danger. Finally we got to a place where I could pass her and she gave me that “special” hand signal as I passed. We got to the hospital on time, but it was a very close call.

That woman taught me that things aren’t as they seem. When I see a car bearing down on me, I assume there’s an emergency and I get out of the way.

Adversity is a fabulous teacher. It gives us texture and character. It teaches us who we are and who we are not. It teaches compassion and the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes. It can take the arrogance and hubris out of our personalities and replace them with tolerance and perspective. None of us are that big a deal, but since we are the only ones to live in our own bodies, we need to figure out a way to live there in peace. Adversity gives us the opportunity to learn the greatest lessons of our lives.

To learn from your adversity, take responsibility for the part you played in the event. Take a step back and say, “Well, even if I can’t control the way other people act, I can control the choices I make about who to keep in my life.” We may not be able to control Mother Nature, other people, the economy or the politics of our little world. We can control where we live, with whom we live, for whom we vote, and how we spend our money and our time.

When adversity hits. Try this ‘wake up call’ I devised when all the tofu hit the fan many years ago. It comes in handy for me again and again and keeps me grounded.

Make a grid. Break down the issues you are facing and ask the questions in each column. Give yourself time to reflect on the situation and find ways to take responsibility for your actions – even if your answer to “What part did I play in making it happen?” is “I didn’t pay attention.” (And that is the case more often than not).

What happened?

How did it happen? What part did I play in making it happen? What would I do differently if I could go back? What do I do now?

If you are willing to go through this process for each of your upsets, you will find that the heaviness will lift from your shoulders. When human beings insist on blaming others and world events for our unhappiness, those outside influences continue to control us. We are set free when we take responsibility for our decisions and our actions or inaction.

Choose to use the adversity of your life to become stronger and to learn lessons that will enrich your life. When you pay attention to the lessons, you can also use them to help those you love make it through their challenges.

Beth

~~~

© Beth Terry Seminars, Inc. 2003-2008, All International Rights Reserved