The Impact You Have… Sunday Musings
I sat across from them at dinner last night just outside Honolulu. I almost didn’t recognize the grown up version of these four “little girls” I had helped to raise. They talked of school and of longing for new experiences. They had travel plans and information about new and exotic places they wanted to visit. Colleges they’d like to try now that the first years were out of the way.
I teared up listening to them. I remember the tiny hand slipped into mine on a bad day 15 years ago. I recalled a poster left in the middle of my desk with drawings of a ‘grasshelper’ and a ‘be.’ I still have the little notes they wrote, the school drawings, and the poster of a rainbow they made for me more than a decade ago. I had that made into a wooden puzzle and will be using it again in a few weeks in a training course.
They grow up fast. Time slips by so quickly. I often wonder if parents understand that. I hear the horrid things one of my neighbors yells at her kids and I wonder if she realizes how negatively she’s programming her little ones. I see a parent threatening his child in a store and wonder how this will play out in ten or fifteen years. I hear parents desperately trying to keep their kids from growing up and leaving home, and want to shake them – wake them – and wish I could put them in a time machine to go forward and see the unintended (I hope) consequences of these foolish actions.
They tell me I’ve helped them, and I fervently hope that’s true. I believe so much in them and in their potential. So many of their classmates are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their parents, doomed to living in an unimaginative, unchallenging rut that will rob them of their spirit and their hope.
But hope is alive in these four. Their eyes sparkle. They are smart, and they have plans. I guide them as best as I can, always mindful that I could be wrong in my advice. Knowing full well I don’t hold all the answers, instead I try to guide them to be strong and think for themselves. Hopefully living with me has taught them a few things about asserting themselves.
I say what my Dad said to me: “Remember who you are.” I know at the time, I didn’t really understand that. Yet those words came back to me time and time again when I needed courage; when I needed to make the hard decisions and maintain my integrity.
I never cared much if they had self-esteem. I don’t think that’s a healthy goal. Instead, I focused on self-respect. Self esteem is a byproduct of self-respect. I keep reminding them: “You are the only person who will be 100% affected by every choice you ever make. So don’t make your life choices based on what will make other people comfortable. Think for yourself!”
That’s not easy advice to follow. I certainly made my own mistakes in that arena. But, if I can keep them focused in the right direction, their lives will be both more meaningful and full.
They hug me and thank me for my (never ending, I admit) advice. They take it in, knowing they have my full permission to not listen to anything that comes out too goofy, or that doesn’t fit them. They know I think the world of them, and I know the feeling is mutual.
But most importantly, they know I’ve got their back. They know I love them and no matter what, that ain’t going to change.
Now that’s a worthy goal for any parent.
Blessings,
Beth
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Read more Beth on raising kids
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Beth Terry, CSP, is a Professional Speaker, Author, and Trainer who makes a difference not only with her kids, but also by presenting personal development and management training programs throughout the world.
© 2007 Beth Terry Seminars, Inc.
Hey Rich -thanks! Glad you liked it! It’s good to hear from your corner of the world on this blog ;-D
hugs,
Beth
Suzanne – thanks so much! Glad you found the blog. I’m having a blast writing in this. Take care,
hugs,
Beth
Beth, I always love reading your inspirational articles!
And I noticed the BlogRush on your site and registered for that.
Hadn’t heard of it before.
Hope all is well with you!
Hugs from Suzanne
You’re email arrived just I was thinking of taking break from writing a personal request to friends to support my person project hto help orphans and a struggling school in Swaziland. What perfect timing and what an inspiration. Thank you.
HOT DAMN, YOU ARE GOOD!! Love, Rich